There are many moments when having two delightful little munchkins brings me so much happiness and love. I see their beautiful smiley faces and feel immensely proud at what I have helped to create and raise….and then on days like this, I run into the bathroom and scream as many expletives into a towel before resuming the attempt at child management.
I don’t know what it is about the hot weather but it has sent my two loopy. Obviously we all get a bit lethargic and mopey when it gets too hot but watching my eldest flip from ankle hugger and whinge pants to a loopy looney tune is driving me bat shit crazy. I can’t deal with the sudden change in mood and obedience. One minute good as gold, sweet and helpful looking at me with those gorgeous eyes that makes me melt, the next, he’s a little git pulling his nappy off and weeing on the floor all while maintaining eye contact. Try to wash him down and put a nappy back on results in books thrown at me and him running away squealing with delight as if this is some new amazingly fun game. The urge to throw him out the window is becoming a little too much.
Then comes the eating dilemma. Now I understand this because I myself become a bit fussy and off my food when hot but when you are hounded by a toddler signing and whining ‘nak, nak’ incessantly, you begin to lose the will to live especially since you have offered every possible food item that you posses and all you are greeted with is a ‘no…nak mummy’ ….what the hell do you want to snack on???? The only thing he did respond to positively was the suggestion of a smoothie “boovie. ..yeah!” So there I am frantically trying to whip up a quick fruit and veg smoothie (god help if it’s only fruit as the sugar police will be after me!!) and I obviously can’t produce such wonders quickly enough as a meltdown has erupted and wails “boovie” in between sobs….as soon as the damn “boovie” is served up….”no…nak”. Jesus Christ if I didn’t love you as much as I do believe me I would walk out right now.
That’s just the toddler, then there is M who has flipped from, I want boob…I don’t want boob, I need boob, get boob out of my face…GIVE ME BOOB! !! The poor things don’t know if they are letting down or not, there’s milk everywhere, he’s bobbing about like a madman getting a nipple in his eye, milk dribbles down from his forehead…it’s a mess. After such a facade I hold him in front of me and ask (in a restrained non shouty way) “what the hell do you want???” What do I get? A big gummy smile!!! Little bugger just knows how to push all my buttons…literally pushes me to the brink of insanity and then washes it all away with a smile and a giggle. Git!!!
This is just when they are taking it in turns to act up…when they act up together, that’s a whole other barrel of shit to deal with. I sometimes wonder how I get through to the end of the day when 15 minutes of torment feels like it’s enough to finish me off and have me admitted to the crazy house.
It’s bad enough when they act up on a normal day but when there is sunshine involved, which means the application of suncream, well shit just got real. Discovering that G can now open most bottles and empty contents out of said bottles does not alleviate stress levels one bit. I found him sat on the bathroom floor, albeit quiet, covering himself in various lotions and potions. My Clarins creams have been carefully applied to the bathroom cabinet, I smell my Dove moisturiser with self tan somewhere, I’m just waiting for the arrival of umpa lumpa hands and suncream….what suncream mummy? There seems to be none left in the bottle as it is sat in a neat blob on the floor ready for me to go ape shit in it when you discover what I’ve done. Cue the shocked and exasperated look on my face and the careful tip toe approach knowing that if I freak out too much that carefully poised hand will rapidly smear £10 worth of baby suncream all over the floor before I can scream his name. This is all happening as M decides to wake and scream the house down for no apparent reason. This by the way all happened before 7am.
When is too early for alcohol???
So yes having two children can bring so much joy but it can also make you reach some really dark places in your soul. It’s moments like this that I contemplate the thought of being in a lesser stressful environment and return back to work….five minutes later when things are calmer and I am cuddling both boys such crazy thoughts quickly disappear, why would I want to work when I have two beautiful boys to be with….I’ve just jinxed it haven’t I?? Here we go again!