There are two ways to start the day, the fairytale way where all is wonderful and rosy and the sun shines as rainbows glisten….or there are the days where you wish it was bedtime already and the thought of getting though the rest of the day fills you with fear.
Let me paint a picture:
A fairytale start to the day would involve being woken by either of your children after the hours of 7am. This wake up would start with a lovely “hiya mummy” from your eldest as they drag their blanket in behind them and gently crawl into bed beside you and give their brother a kiss and you a hug. Then the following would happen:
Get up and pee (alone).
Quick wash, get dressed, clean teeth and put on make up all while listening to the sounds of your children playing.
Choose outfits for the day and dress both children without a hint of resistance.
All would then descend downstairs and sit round the table ready to eat a bowl of shreddies.
Your toddler would want to help make his own breakfast, which he does whilst following instructions.
All is calm….all is peaceful….all is wonderful.
Here’s what happens when your children are possessed by the devil first thing in the morning.
Awoken by the sounds of either child crying….your toddler would actually be in your face crying as they stare at you lying in bed half comatosed.
Try to go to the toilet – baby starts to cry – feed baby.
Try to go to the toilet – toddler starts to cry – go to cuddle and console, pushed away with a “no mummy” and proceeds to wail louder.
Attempts to get dressed all the while your toddler is clinging onto your legs refusing to let you get dressed, results in you standing half naked trying to peel a child off each limb, all the while the baby starts to cry.
Find any form of clothing and throw it on whilst running out of the room to find outfits for the day – toddler is now screaming (still have no idea why??) The baby has kicked it up a gear also.
Attempt to change nappies – poonami from youngest *great! Toddler keeps undoing the nappy as soon as you done it up *pins arms down to do up nappy and pull on trousers all one handed.
Toddler pulls trousers down and pulls nappy off.
Find a poo splodge on the bed *ffs – baby wipes bed (it’s on hubby’s side anyway)
Toddler is now in the bathroom “cleaning” his teeth aka sucking toothpaste out of the tube. Remove toothpaste – epic tantrums follows.
Try to clean teeth of toddler but he has become a limp piece of spaghetti sliming out of my arms. Baby is still crying!!
Confiscate toothpaste and go to tend to baby.
All has gone quiet – investigate and find toddler is now drawing on his face with your new Clarins make up *excellent, money well spent.
One again try to dress toddler which feels like trying to dress a limp lettuce leaf as you force limbs into clothes.
Carry each child, one under each arm down the stairs and hope to not bang any heads on the way *oops.
Toddler wants to make his own breakfast -pours whole box of cereal on the floor *face palm
Sweep up cereal around toddler who is now eating cereal off the floor with a spoon. Baby is crying AGAIN.
Realise you still need a wee, haven’t brushed your own teeth and just realised your knickers are on backwards.
Wrangle eldest into his chair to continue eating his breakfast, try and breastfeed youngest whilst eating a bowl of cereal with your wrong hand.
Watch in horror as toddler reaches for the milk bottle…unscrews lid….and pours entire bottle of milk into his bowl, onto the table, onto his lap, on the floor etc.
Place youngest in jumperoo whilst you mop up milk and change clothes once again.
Toddler starts to cry….baby starts to cry. In sheer desperation you throw children into the pushchair and declare you’re off to feed the ducks…..silence 🙂
Off you go out the house….still needing a wee, knickers chafing as they are still back to front and thanking
there was a breeze to make you realise you still had one boob out from earlier feeding before you reached the end of the garden!!!
It’s these days where I wish I could fast forward the day and try and start it all again but in fairytale style.
Although it soon melts away when your eldest hands you a flower whilst mid way through feeding the ducks. You may still need to pee and the chafing is altering the way you walk but you’ve just been given a flower…all is well once again.