So another Christmas day has passed, presents have been opened, bins have been rammed full with wrapping paper and boxes, and more food has been consumed than humanly possible washed down with bottles of champers, glasses of baileys and any other festive tipple.
But now we are on Boxing day, some of you may be travelling around visiting family members indulging in another round of gift exchanges and festive meals, some of you may be recovering from too much champers with the turkey and will be letting the kids fend for themselves eating their way through selection boxes whilst you occasionally fish a Ferrero Rocher or a Lindor out of ever dimishing box and some of you will be doing what I’m doing, sorting through the presents.
Now sorting through the presents comprises of various stages, if you have been organised enough you may have sorted through the existing pile of toys and got rid of anything shabby, missing parts or just generally anything annoyingly chipper and sing songy – bin it!!! Next you sort through the piles of wonderful new shiny presents and decide whether they make the cut, you sift through and pull out the replicas ready to be returned/ exchanged or regifted, you rip out the batteries of the REALLY annoying ones and you hide the ones that take too much effort or have too many parts. You anally try to locate every piece of each new toy and keep it with its owner before losing the will by the 27th.
Then there’s the gifts that you’ve received and the same process ensues, you filter through and decide what makes the cut, you open the selection of bubble baths, lotions and potions and sniff test each one choosing which ones are suitable and which will be regifted, you line up the bottles of wine/champagne and feel contented knowing you have back up for the tough days,the long nights or the days when you can no longer respond to the “mummy mummy mummy MUMMY!!” that lie ahead and then you stare dumbfounded at some random gifts and wonder WTAF was this person thinking when they chose this, in fact you search manically for a tag or card that will reveal the meaning behind such a gift or you wrack your brain wondering what you did to offend said person.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas, I love seeing the piles of neatly wrapped presents piled up by the tree, I love selecting my theme for the year with my wrapping and tags and choosing something for each person that they will either want or enjoy or is just nice (well I think so anyway) thought goes into my gift buying, even stocking fillers have a reason behind them, I’m not one for buying tat for sake of filling a stocking, so receiving shit gifts that even a gift face can’t mask is now becoming a joke that is not funny.
As each year passes the inversely proportional relationship between your presents and the kids becomes ever greater, so the percentage of truly shite presents increases. There are people in your family in which you expect a crap present from, in fact it becomes a running joke on what will be this year’s shittest gift. My sister and I facetime each other and compare shit presents and discuss in length on what we will do with such gifts. Then there’s the accidental crap present when you know that the giver has tried but failed and because you’re not a complete cow you think how you will use such a thing aa to not hurt their feelings. But the actual shit gift which leaves you wondering ‘does this person actually know me?’ ‘was this a joke?’ ‘have they gone senile?’ really is starting to get my goat even more so when in previous years a semi decent present has been given by said gifter. My gift pile is small enough as it is I don’t need more crappy gifts on top of the expected ones.
This year has seen no exception to the ever growing tradition, there are some items I will be exchanging but I appreciate the thought (these are not necessarily crap just not quite to my taste), there are some I will shelve ready to rewrap when the time comes and others I have no idea what to do with, I can’t think of anyone I can give it to, I have no receipt or knowledge or where it was purchased so can’t return or exchange or there is no one I dislike enough to offend them with such atrocities. This all sounds very selfish and cold hearted and I’m not trying to sound like a premadonna because I’m not, I love Christmas, I love opening presents and seeing what people have got me and for the majority of the time I do get some lovely well thought of gifts but there’s always one or two that have flummoxed me.
Maybe I’m being unkind, maybe the person has thought really hard and thought I would really like whatever it is they have given, maybe they thought it was something missing in our house, maybe they really liked it and wanted to give something that they liked to someone they love?? Maybe I am becoming a bit of a premadonna (oh dear) or maybe it was a crap present!