FML make me a brew!!!

Jeez what a day!! That’s right the whimsical one hasn’t had a fairytale day, it hasn’t been disastrous it’s just been frustrating.

The day started with my eldest climbing into bed with me and the littlest one and started his morning ritual of nagging me “downstairs….downstairs” now he knows we don’t go downstairs until his brother has woken up as usually he is asleep in my arms and having the most peaceful sleep out of the whole 12 hour period of being in bed, you can see why I’m reluctantly to wake him.

So in a bid to hurry the waking process up my eldest begins to push his feet into his brothers back, starts to stroke his head which then turns into smacking his head all while saying loudly in his ear “wake up Myles…wake up!!”. Fortunately today he was not for being disturbed and remained in dreamland, but for me this was the start of irksome behaviour that has grated on me today.

Once we do make it out of bed, I frog march us all to the bathroom to clean teeth – now my eldest likes to put his own toothpaste on his toothbrush, which is absolutely fine but the issue I have is that every single time he purposefully defies my pleas of “just a small one” in regards to the amount of toothpaste and shouts back “no a big one” as he squeezes half the tube onto his miniscule toothbrush. Yes it’s annoying and yes I shouldn’t let it get to me but watching him flap wildly knowing I was coming to take the toothpaste off him, said half a tube was now being smeared over his hands, down the side of tube and onto the side…. give.me.strength.

This was coupled with the whining and outbreaks of balling from my youngest who refused to be put down despite being sat at my feet – such close proximity would not suffice and HAD to be in my arms!!! Makes the overseeing of teeth cleaning and make up application a tad annoying and long winded.

The same applied to actually trying to get dressed, anyone would think I had abandoned my youngest when I placed him on the bed next to me just so I could spend two minutes getting dressed – massive tears…I mean actual tears and the pawing of a small child trying to clamber upon its half naked mamma!!OMG is it too early for a gin and tonic?!?!

This was coupled with battling the waves of snot that seemed to be cascading from both the boys noses. Now I get that my youngest can’t do much when snot is dribbling down his face but my eldest knows when he has a “notty nose” and needs a tissue, did he get a tissue this morning? Did he bollocks!! At first glance of seeing snot being swept across his face and onto his sleeve I calmly and helpfully pointed out that mummy has put some tissues on the side and he needs to use them when his nose needs wiping- this calm demeanor soon disappeared when I saw once again the forearm make its way upto the disgustingly green slimy waterfall oozing from my eldest face. Now I get sometimes needing to resort to a sleeve but this was ridiculous not only were there tissues right there, I had just told him 30 seconds beforehand what to do!!! It wasn’t like it was an efficient snot swipe either!!! instead it was a flippant smear of sticky green ooze across the face, back of hand, UNDER cuff of sleeve and the last remnants onto his sleeve. To say I wanted to put my head through a wall was an understatement.

So we made it through teeth cleaning, snot clearing and me getting dressed now to get us downstairs and through breakfast – cue eldest getting the TWO new boxes of cheerios out, one for him and one for Miss Rabbit and sheep…Yes I have to pour the animals some cereal in a morning but I draw the line at adding milk!!

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Amongst trying to feed our actual animals (two dogs and a cat) whilst simultaneously make scrambled eggs on toast for me and the littlest one (he’s a fussy breakfast eater) AND do a sainsburys online clothes shop as it 25% off and my eldest has suddenly decided to grow out of all his trousers, I watch as my eldest starts pouring his cheerios from one bowl to another – this can only end in disaster, just as I thought that he spills his bowl onto the floor – fucking great, so now my eggs are half done and I’ve got to now mop up spilt milk, trying to keep my cool is beginning to feel quite difficult. I half snapped and pointed rather assertively towards the mess and proclaimed how he was making life difficult for mummy…his response “sorry mummy, don’t worry” – great now I feel like a giant shit for getting annoyed over some spilt milk (and cheerios).

We finally make it through breakfast with only some smushed banana thrown my way and the remnants of scrambled egg smeared across the highchair, now time to get these monsters dressed and get us bundled up into the car so we can head to the zoo….in the freezing cold….in half term!!! I know mental but plans had been made!

After wrestling with the youngest trying to keep his shoes on his feet and calpolling them both up as they are spluttering snotty gremlins (great parenting taking them out into the cold when they are not quite right) we make it into the car. I had made this far into the preparations we were going to make the zoo – I should’ve realised that it wasn’t going to be our usual pleasant experience when the eldest pipes up “yeah zoo, I run away” erm I don’t think so buddy!!!

Our dedication to the cause saw us through the traffic and we made it to the zoo, the baltic winds literally sent a chill down my spine as I chambered out of the car wondering “wtf am I doing???” I bundled the boys up in multiple layers trying my best to convince Grayson (eldest) to wear a hat – which he refused, whilst he clambered into the car with mud all over his shoes and smearing it all over the front seats – aaah shoot me now.

I haven’t been to the zoo when it’s been that busy for a loooong time, I knew it would be busy with it being half term but it was heaving, a nightmare flashed through my mind that Grayson would decide to run off and I would lose him in the sea of bodies that were littering the way around the zoo, in my slight panicked state I scrawled my number across his hand in a vain attempt to facilitate a successful rescue mission if it came to it.

The hours we spent at the zoo were with me repeatedly calling Grayson’s name as he ran off in various directions, with me close behind chasing after him with buggy in hand – definitely looked like a parent in control, it wasn’t quite the calm/fun experience we usually have, the further past naptime we went the more he turned into a deviant of a gremlin. After one too many mischievous scamperings off I decided enough was enough, it was time to leave – cue wailing in despair from Grayson who was obviously having a whale of a time.

So now we are back home, the littlest one is in bed sleeping off all the fresh air and the eldest one is snuggled up on the sofa with glowing red cheeks whilst he nibbles through a crumpet and watches Toy Story….

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I’ve made myself a massive brew, I think I deserve it.

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Now just to wait out the final 40 minutes or so until hubby walks through the door and we can wade through the shit storm together.

Here’s some pictures that tell an opposite story 😉

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Yeah think I needed to drop the eldest one off here today 😉

Tots100
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