Don’t lynch me just yet, yes I said synchronised naps…blessing….and curse. Some of you may be thinking how can a nap be a curse? Surely the kids are napping, you’re free, stop complaining.
Maybe you’re right, maybe I shouldn’t complain, maybe I am being really ungrateful that I can get both my boys down for a nap, for that is a blessing and I know I’m lucky. But there is a flipside to this wondrous thing.
As soon as I have fed the youngest and put him down and sat next to my eldest whilst he drifts off, I ninja my way downstairs, I usually have a 30-45 minute window whereby I try and achieve as much as I can whilst both boys snooze. I *could* be sat with a cup of tea, some lunch and a magazine and be completely self centred for those few minutes in the day where I am not being crawled all over and mauled by two small boys.
However the sensible part of me looks round the mess of a house and decides to try and make it a little more presentable before we have round 2 of two toddling tornadoes.
So the sweet snores of two sleeping boys are my ticket to: tidy away the pots from breakfast/lunch, wipe the surfaces, put away the morning toys, gather up the strewn pajamas and toothbrushes and return them to their rightful place, sweep the floor, prep tea, put some laundry on, peg some laundry out, fold some laundry, attempt to quickly make some lunch and a brew and then I decide now is the time for me to sit and have five minutes peace. I’ve earnt it.
I may have just poured the milk into my brew or just taken the first bite of my lunch or even my bum has only just hovered over the sofa eagerly awaiting the moment it is plonked down ready for a well deserved break and I hear the tell tale squawk from the littlest one…..it’s always the youngest one!! He has an inbuilt sense that I am just about to do something for myself and he is not down with that idea at all.
My issue here is, I know…and he knows for that matter, that he is not ready to wake up just yet, in fact he has a good 45 minutes to an hour of napping left in him before he can be deemed as pleasant but does he go back down?….does he bollocks!!!
No amount of cuddles, leaving him, feeding him, shushing him, stroking his back, jiggling his bum, being firm, being kind, ignoring, pandering….Nothing works….NOTHING!!!! He will lure me into a false sense of hope as I feed/cuddle/whatever by snuggling in my neck and start his lovely hypnotic deep breathing – he must be asleep?! let’s put him in bed. The slightest of movements and he’s cottoned on to what I’m about to do and he goes ape shit!!!!
This is where the red mist descends and I am on the brink of flipping my lid. He’s tired…he needs to sleep, my brew/lunch is going cold/stale, just lie the @#$* down and sleep and then we can all be happy.
It’s that brief moment where you feel pure hot rage burning inside of you, you would literally smash your head through a wall if you heard one more cry, were tugged at, drooled over or mauled one more time. Obviously you don’t, you manage to claw your way back to the sane side of going pure bat shit insane but still, the infuriating feeling fills you, consumes you. You just have to take a moment to walk away, scream into a pillow, ram some chocolate into your face and breathe before resuming whatever parenting soothing you were doing.
Seriously I’ve never felt so enraged when the mist descends, what have I done to deserve this???
I know, I know, I can hear it now, you don’t get the luxury of naps anymore, or you have to do everything I do and more AND have your child hanging off you awake all.the.time….boo hoo to you. Maybe I am whining over nothing and should be grateful but I have worked damn hard at maintaining this napping situation. I haven’t had a proper nights sleep in over 15 months and I can probably count the number of full nights sleep I’ve had in the past 3 years, I don’t get that much time to recharge so 1 hour in the day from when they are awake to when they go to bed is all I ask….1 hour to sleep peacefully (them not me, although why have I given up napping?) and let me eat my lunch…alone!!
How I’ve managed to stay sane is beyond me and I have to admit I have lost it now and again, I’ve slammed doors, stomped downstairs and ranted to my poor child who looks at me slightly perplexed as to what is happening right now,
“you need to sleep, mummy needs to sleep, mummy needs to eat, mummy just need a moment to not think about anyone else, mummy just wants to be alone with no one crawling all over her, you wouldn’t be so cranky if you just slept, I wouldn’t be so cranky if you just slept, just go the fuck to sleep!!!”
It makes no difference, he looks up at me with his cute loveable face (why must he be cute???) and the red mist dissipates and I can’t help but love this monster who’s depriving me of my sanity. How can someone you love so much make you feel so hacked off???
Once I’ve finally gotten over my own tantrum, maybe had a cry, cuddled said monster, calm is once again restored, he sits on my knee and I attempt to finish my now tepid brew/cold lunch. Than comes the click from the baby gate and a little voice “hi mummy, I wake up now”
*Throws lunch/brew away, continues with the days activities **counts down minutes until hubby returns home.
Maybe it’s not the synchronised napping that’s the problem maybe it’s just the lack of actual proper sleep that’s making us all going just a little bit loopy. One day I will look back on this, smile and have my revenge as I make my boys suffer waking them up early every single morning (and maybe randomly through the night just for the hell of it) and remind them how hard it is to function when you just.want.to.sleep!!! Your time is coming boys 😉